The Ankle

I'm a little screwed up sometimes....

Now that we've got that out of the way, let me tell you all a story.

Since as far back as I can remember I've always considered myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance. Now I'm not one of those crazy guys that goes out trying to get his ass kicked every weekend just to prove how tough he is. The way I see it, you shouldn't expend that much energy unless you wrassling with a chica, and getting your nose dirty shouldn't involve concrete or asphalt.

I blame this on my older brother...you see we didn't always have or accept the father figures in our lives. Now that's our business, but what is your business is that a lot of times, whether he knew it or not, he was a male authority figure in my life...someone I looked up to...someone that I tried to be like. One of the things that my brother would always tell me, was that I had to be tough...take the pain...quit crying...don't' tell mom...wait a minute...and its something that has stuck with me....it has stuck to the point that I actually have a fear of going to the doctor and him telling me that nothing is wrong. Crazy heh?

So anyway, about 8 years ago I jumped off a porch and rolled my ankle pretty bad. Like I said, I think I'm a pretty tough guy,and more importantly I evidently want other people to think I'm a pretty tough guy, so I got up and walked it off. It might have helped that I was drunker than nine Indians on pay day. So I get up, walk it off, walk around, walk all night and eventually end up at home...the next morning I wake up and think that Cathy Bates must have taken a sledge to my ankle. It was huge, purple, and hurt like a sonofabeech. Well, about 6 weeks later I decided that I might need to go to the Doctor. It was still pretty sore, and swollen, and purple...So I go and he takes some x-rays and he tells me basically that he thinks I broke a small bone or two in my ankle, but they have since started to heal to some extent. He then tells me that I have two choices...he can re break the ankle, or he can give me some medicine to help the swelling and that it'll probably bother me when I'm older. So I ask the first questions that pops in my head, "how would you re break it?"

"with a hammer" he replies

"Fuck You" I think out loud.

Besides that, he says that it'll bother me when I'm older and to the 20 year old me that has to be like 40 0r 50 or older.

So here I sit 8 years later.

My ankle has been bothering me off and on for the last year or so. Sometimes I can function as normal, and sometimes it hurts so bad I can't walk. A few weeks ago I was walking through our yard at work...nobody around, nothing around, nowhere to go...and my ankle hurts so bad I can't walk. I was just standing there...thinking of crawling...but refusing to because I have to take the pain. I hobbled in the office and finally decide to call the doc.

Well I go to the Doctor and he looks at my foot and goes, "yeah, ummm humm...and you say it hurts where...and when...and does it hurt if I push here...." and I can tell this dude doesn't have a clue what's going on inside me foot...but he does write me a order to go get x-rays which entitles me to be covered by my insurance.

So I go to the X-ray...and then the old fear hits me. What if there is nothing wrong? What if I'm just a big ole puss? (you fuckers that call yourselves my friends better not comment on that) What if they find that its all in my head? Then wouldn't you freaking know...I get a call from the Doc saying they couldn't see anything on the X-ray..."Well, fuck me...I am a puss"...then he tells me he wants to do a MRI because he feels it'll show what's bothering me. I'm thinking he just wants to get as much money as he can before he tells me I'm a puss.

Well, I get the MRI...partly because I just wanna see what its like...and partly because I'm hoping there is something wrong with me (crazy I tell Ya)

Let's shorten the story...got the MRI results back...WOO HOO...I've got fluid in the joints, fluid in the tendon sheathing (did you know you had tendon sheathing?) damage to some bone, tears on something or other...and best of all...I wasn't just making it up...

Crap, I wasn't just making it up...and evidently 28 is old (according to the Doc)

So I'm going to the some other doctor tomorrow...see what the next step is (no pun intended there) and where I need to go...I'll let you know

by the way...for those of you who know the other place I write stuff...well there is some other stuff there.

until next time....

Its Raining

and has been since Sunday...

but Monday there was a break in the rain for most of the daytime and it was beautiful outside. I went to lunch at a place here in San Marcos with a couple guys from work and one smokin' hot chick. I'd love to go into detail about the place and all...it has a very relaxing outside patio, very good food, kinda slow service...

anyway, I guess something that happened that day kinda sparked this little thing inside me...and now that I'm completely cooped up I have no choice but to just get it out.

So I'm ordering my food, and the waiter asks me if I want the conservative portion or the more liberal portion. He asks me this in a way where he's trying to sell me the more liberal portion, although I may just be reading way too much into this. I don't know why he doesn't ask me if I want the lunch portion or the dinner portion (which is the way it reads on the menu) and why I have to take so much notice in it. Maybe it's because he's just kind of a weird dude with long hair and looks like he's a "very liberal" person...ahh I shouldn't be so stereotypical...I mean I have short hair and drive a ford truck, but I consider myself a little more liberal than most. Don't get me wrong, I don't smoke pot or hug trees (well, not since the late 90's)....crap, I gotta stop.

Back to the point...so I go with the "conservative" portion because normally the lunch portion is more than enough to tide you over 'til 6 or so and its also cheaper and I'm a cheap bastard. Well, I don't know if Scraggly McWaiter thinks that I'm some Right-Wing Conservative nutball and wants to punish me, or if the restaurant just ran out of chicken, but the the conservative portion was a little on the inadequate size. They gave me this piece of chicken breast (piece I tell ya) that looked more like a chicken McNugget with some stuff on top of it and a then a plate filled with creamed corn. I don't know if any of you have ever heard my stance on corn, but you've all eaten it, you've all seen where it ends up....

Now, I'm eating my McNugget and can't keep thinking about my waiter's question of "conservative" or "more liberal" and thinking that I want to ask him if I could have a little more conservative helping of corn and a more reasonable portion of fucking chicken...but I'm a pretty laid back guy. I just let things go. Plus I've seen that movie "Waiting" and there ain't no way in hell I'm sending something back. Lucky for me, aforementioned hot chick decided to get a chicken fried steak that's about as big as the plate and I got to eat a good sized piece of that.

Rambling.

So anyway, now that I've set up my dining experience to become a political metaphor...let me get on with it.

Beside the fact that the next election and all the campaigning is just around the corner, it seems that politics has made its way to almost every possible avenue it can. Debates and Deliberations are not just tucked away on CNN and Fox News at night...they are on all day everyday...They've invaded MTV, CMT, the Cartoon Network and the Comedy Channel. Stephen Colbert has become a pop-icon because of this movement. He first had a small part on the Daily Show, and soon became the biggest thing in pop political culture with the Colbert Report. This was a parody, a knock on political analysts...but don't think its all fun and games...because the politics are everywhere.

The reason...because there is a problem. If all was well in White House Land, then we'd see some skits on SNL now and again...see which actor can do the best imitation of the Pres. This has been going on for years...its fun to play off of characters in the public eye, no matter what their role, but when it becomes this big its because there's too much ammunition to use...too many incidents to replay....too much evidence.

Its a simple truth that people are more apt to report on something wrong than something right...people register more complaints than compliments...its just that way.

So now we find ourselves in the midst of a political rebellion. We're pointing out everything wrong we can find. It's not just left verses right...there is more discord among parties than their has been in a long time. The days of jumping on the party train, and riding it to the primaries are over. Democrats and Republicans alike are afraid to be categorized as "that kind of Democrat" or "this kind of Republican" War, abortion, immigration, welfare reform, social security...we're coming to a point where we can't win, and we can't afford to lose...

Let me just stop and say that I support American Troops. Whether they are marching down the streets of Baghdad or Baltimore, I wholeheartedly support them. These are American men and women who are giving their lives so that you may enjoy yours. I sit here and type this rambling and sip on a beer because people gave their life for me. Did you know that their are countries on this planet where it is illegal to drink alcohol at any age? I would never support anyone who would, by their actions as a lawmaker, turn their backs on American troops in any country in any situation. So be careful what you ask for when you ask for the war to be over...I'm not saying its right...I'm saying you have to do what's right for right now and for the people who are directly involved.

The thing here, is that its all fucked up. Sorry to sugar coat it...and there are isn't anyone with answers. It's easy to listen to someone say that you should choose them to lead because they aren't like that last leader. That's great, but where are you going to take me from here? Okay, that's where you want to take me, but how are we going to get there? The problem with most liberals is that they are quick to point out problems, but never come up with any solutions...that's right...I said it...which side am I on anyway?

And all I really wish is that I had just ordered my own damn chicken friend steak...