I'm tired...

this sleeplessness has got to go!

So, if the insomnia is not enough, last night I was continually attacked by the evil kitten mobsters Bonnie and Clyde.

Yep, they have been named. You would think that I would name them something more closely related to Poon Tang, but if you saw them in action you would know that they are a dastardly duo.

Today they are exiled to the back yard...they may stay there forever.

I actually started to put them out for short times a couple of weeks ago. I'd let them play for a while...I was scared to leave them out during the hot parts of the day, as they are still pretty young, but I was trying to get them properly acclimated.

Then it happened, I found a flea on the little girl (sometimes I call her Precious, and sometimes I call her Little Red and sometimes I call her Shit Head) There were to be no fleas in my house! I threw them all out and went and got some flea shampoo, and collars and spray for the house and treatment for the backyard.

The fun begins!!! Newsflash: Cats hate water!!!

I ran some warm water in the bathtub and got a towel ready and the shampoo set out.

I went outside and found the Clyde first (sometimes I call him Buddy, and sometimes I call him Hair Ball, and sometimes I call him, you little son-of-a-bitch I'm going to kick your ass if you don't quit doing that) he didn't wriggle and hiss and scratch too much, but man he made one of the most evil noises I've ever heard. It was painful to hear. I lathered him up and let him walk around all wet and matted up on the floor for the 4 minutes it said, and then I rinsed him off (with the painful screaming persisting on) and dried him off and sent him on his way.

Next was Bonnie, I figured she wouldn't be much more than Clyde was. He is the bigger and wilder of the two. You'd think by now that I'd have learned that it doesn't matter what the specie, a man might break your nose, but a woman will cut your throat. She came real close to clawing me a new one. I might have let my guard down a little, and she was ready to attack. I got her clean though, and the fleas have gone away.

Poon Tang...Oh I was dreading the cleansing of Tang. Don't get me wrong, I like clean Tang...but it was going to be a difficult task. I got her in there, and I think she knew what was up...Immediate motion...but with heavy persistence I finally got her wet...Pretty soon with some rubbing and some stroking...She was all lathered up!

What are y'all thinking about???

Now, I learned my lesson with the baby girl, so I was extra careful when bathing Tang. I finally decided to just turn the water on and run her back and forth through it like an old-time typewriter. That way I could keep both hands on her. She wasn't all that bad, and maybe even liked being that clean.

I could have saved all this by shaving Poon Tang.

What???

So Let's get up to where the damn kittens were attacking me last night. You see I dusted the back yard and didn't want them getting into it and getting sick, so I kept them on house arrest. They were fine at first, running around with their little collars and playing with each other. After midnight when I finally fell asleep, about two minutes after...I felt a nibbling at my toes. No, that's not a nibbling...that's like a fat boy on a pork chop..."What the hell are you doing?" as I kicked an unidentified assailant off of me. It was dark and I couldn't tell which one of the little bastards did it. I wrapped my feet up again, but its hot here and I was only in a sheet..."Fuck!" I yelled as someone else took a bit out of my ankle.

Yeah, I should have just kicked 'em out...but then I would have got of bed...Hell, I wasn't sleeping anyway.

This went on all night...running and jumping and biting and clawing and scratching and meowing

So today they are again in exile...no more toe biting...no more scratching and running around and jumping and meowing...

Oh, by the way...did I mention that I have two really cute little kittens to give away?