Music makes the world go 'round
So I got a call tonight saying that the band didn't show at my second home...I was allowed to go fill in. Made a little money and got to play songs. The only real downfall is that I've got the post-gig insomnia rocking right now. I need to sleep!!!
I've been struggling for over a week now...sleep has been few and far betwixt but I feel my self coming around.
So I had a couple of realizations tonight...one, I haven't played by myself (not with myself) in a while and I was out of practice. I've been leaning on the band to fill in the accompaniment way too much. Two, I can sing pretty good. If you'd like a listen go to www.myspace.com/thetexaswettnex
So I am in a band, and you might ask why I didn't already think that I could sing good...and the answer is I have known for a long time that I could sing good, but the confidence that I have in my voice is not always real strong.
Take my buddy Joel from the Joel Hofmann Band ( www.myspace.com/joelhofmannband ), it doesn't matter if Joel is around 5 people or 500 people...if a song comes on that he likes...he'll just start singing. I can't do that...I doubt in my mind that anyone wants to hear me. When I'm on stage it's not that hard because you know you're up there and that you're up there to sing, but to just start singing is tough. I still haven't learned to sing with my eyes open!
Tonight though, as I listened for the first time in a long time to my voice through the speakers without a whole gang of other instruments around it I thought, "man, that's really pretty" and I mean pretty in the most manly way I can think. I think back to when I first met the guys that are in my band now...I won't go into details but we were at a place where local musicians went to play. I sang and the comment that one of the guys in the band made was, "I can hear the pain in your voice". Well, you might think this a bad thing, but to me it was a compliment. Like a truly good story teller...when you can make the listener feel the character's emotion, then you are truly telling the story as it should be told.
So whoopie you're thinking..."So you think you're good now...big fucking deal" and that's about all it is. I don't know that I'll have this confidence next time I open my mouth, but tonight I sit here and think...I made beautiful music. I sang the way I am supposed to sing, and I sounded like I'm supposed to sound. I wish I knew how to type so that you could understand the sound I still hear.
I hope that I might make that sound again...but for now I go to the back porch to wind down. I think about omens, and true happiness, and what we all can do when we put our minds to it. I think about what it is that makes us do and feel the way we feel and do, and why we sometimes try so hard to do or feel a way we shouldn't feel or do. I think about how sometimes letting go is nothing more than holding on and sometimes letting go is finally holding out. Last, I think that happiness is when you get to hold on to the one thing you just can't let go of, and sometimes I think I think too much.
I've been struggling for over a week now...sleep has been few and far betwixt but I feel my self coming around.
So I had a couple of realizations tonight...one, I haven't played by myself (not with myself) in a while and I was out of practice. I've been leaning on the band to fill in the accompaniment way too much. Two, I can sing pretty good. If you'd like a listen go to www.myspace.com/thetexaswettnex
So I am in a band, and you might ask why I didn't already think that I could sing good...and the answer is I have known for a long time that I could sing good, but the confidence that I have in my voice is not always real strong.
Take my buddy Joel from the Joel Hofmann Band ( www.myspace.com/joelhofmannband ), it doesn't matter if Joel is around 5 people or 500 people...if a song comes on that he likes...he'll just start singing. I can't do that...I doubt in my mind that anyone wants to hear me. When I'm on stage it's not that hard because you know you're up there and that you're up there to sing, but to just start singing is tough. I still haven't learned to sing with my eyes open!
Tonight though, as I listened for the first time in a long time to my voice through the speakers without a whole gang of other instruments around it I thought, "man, that's really pretty" and I mean pretty in the most manly way I can think. I think back to when I first met the guys that are in my band now...I won't go into details but we were at a place where local musicians went to play. I sang and the comment that one of the guys in the band made was, "I can hear the pain in your voice". Well, you might think this a bad thing, but to me it was a compliment. Like a truly good story teller...when you can make the listener feel the character's emotion, then you are truly telling the story as it should be told.
So whoopie you're thinking..."So you think you're good now...big fucking deal" and that's about all it is. I don't know that I'll have this confidence next time I open my mouth, but tonight I sit here and think...I made beautiful music. I sang the way I am supposed to sing, and I sounded like I'm supposed to sound. I wish I knew how to type so that you could understand the sound I still hear.
I hope that I might make that sound again...but for now I go to the back porch to wind down. I think about omens, and true happiness, and what we all can do when we put our minds to it. I think about what it is that makes us do and feel the way we feel and do, and why we sometimes try so hard to do or feel a way we shouldn't feel or do. I think about how sometimes letting go is nothing more than holding on and sometimes letting go is finally holding out. Last, I think that happiness is when you get to hold on to the one thing you just can't let go of, and sometimes I think I think too much.
posted by Michael Wren at 12:35 AM
2 Comments:
I think all of us with bipolar disorder think too much. How very cool that you have a good voice. While you may think I'm kidding, I'm not. When I sing, people tell me to leave the room...literally.
My sleep has been messed up too. Last night I was up til 5am. And then some days I'll sleep 20 hours. Something weird is going on right now.
~ take it easy
You really have to read the book, "You are what you think" I think this will help you with your confidence in your voice. I have only read about the first 45 pages, but it is awesome so far.
I have to say that your voice has improved a million times over what it was like the first time I heard you sing. To be totally honest, the first time I heard you sing, I thought WOW you are an incredibly talented song writer and a so-so singer. Now, I have no doubt that you have the voice to do justice to the songs that you write.
The way I see it, all you have to do is set your goal for your music career/dreams, believe that you will acheive your goal, and then work toward the goal and it will be inevitable for you to achieve your goal. Seems simple, doesn't it???
Oh, and back to the book "You are what you think" visualize yourself getting a good nights rest and see what happens. Read the book it goes in to more detail.
I have to say some of the your last comments in this post made me think ---- "Don't you get it?"
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